The day my life changed forever
It is funny with the internet you sometime never meet people in person but you connect...like you have been friends for years. That is how I feel about her. She had many "adoption miscarriages" 3 to be exact! She was so sweet one day she emailed me and said she hope she didn't offend me by using that phrase. I said of course not.
Here is my story...
On that sunny August afternoon, (you know the August day when the heat had just broke and you could open your windows and the cool late summer breeze would give you a chill.) That was the type of day it was when I delivered our angle baby Joseph all alone in my home, his little body in the fetel postition...ten fingers and ten toes...two eye and his little nose in the bottom of my toilet. I was scared and in shock, all i kept saying was "my baby...that's my baby" At that point I had no idea that I was bleeding to death and I was all alone. I was rushed to the hospital and surgery was preformed. When I was driving home, I said to Jeff..."we will name him Jospeh" I came home went to bed and cryed for the next 4 months...every morning, day and night. All I wanted to do was to hold my baby. (Jeff was at work and by the time he got to the hospital I was already in surgery and the baby was at the hospital. He was too small to survive.) There was no ceremony except for a private "goodbye" with me and my husband later that week. I never thought I would be able to continue with life as I knew it. We had so many hopes and dreams for our baby Joseph. I know that when women have miscarriages and they think they know what I have been thru...but honestly...YOU DON'T. You can sympathize with me and say you know what I am feeling but not what I went thru. I had post tramatic stress for along time after. It took me almost a year before I could even think about TTC again.
We got thru it and here we are today...waiting, praying and hoping that our baby will make it home soon! People say that things happen for reasons and I know that baby Joesph wasn't healthy and would not have survived under any situation...I know that then and now, but that is the day that changed my life. You always have that sadness when you see a child that same age as your baby would have been. I don't listen to Barry Manalow or drink Orange pop any more. But we are finally finishing the baby's room getting it ready for the baby. Today has been a great day for me. I spent the morning with my father and this afternoon, Jeff and I are watching football and cuddling on the couch with the dogs.
Life is wonderful...It can only get better!
3 comments:
I am so sorry for your loss and you are right that no one will ever know what YOU went through even if their story was similar. It is your life that was torn into. I can truly respect that. I do realize that for whatever God forsaken reason, that we might not ever understand, that these experiences are the stepping stones in our road called life. It gets pieced together as we travel and sometimes we gain clarity as we go. I've been put through a lot of pain in my life, but when the time is right, I get up off the ground, dust myself off, look at what I have to move forward with and continue with the journey with scars on me, some obvious to others and some very deep. I appreciate your story and think you are very brave, strong and courageous to tell it. One day, maybe I'll be able to tell all of you, my plight. God bless you Colette.. you are a very special woman!
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart aches for you. I pray that your baby finds you soon!
Collette, I didn't read this until now. Thank you for sharing. You are brave and strong. Thank you for celebrating with me. I can't wait until Your baby is placed in your arms!- Julie love ya!
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