BUSY WEEK...
IT HAS BEEN A VERY BUSY WEEK FOR US HERE. I HAVE BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG, JEFF HAS BEEN HOME SICK WITH A NASTY COLD AND I AM GETTING READY FOR MY BIG DAY AT CHURCH. WE HAD A MEETING AT CHURCH AND I MET THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON. GOD WORKS IN SUCH MYSTERIOUS WAYS. WE INSTANTLY CONNECTED. I FELT SO BLESSED TO BE IN A ROOM FULL OF 5 BEAUTIFUL MOTHERS OF ALL AGES AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS ALIKE IN THEIR JOURNEY OF MOTHERHOOD. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR SERVICE ON SUNDAY. I MUST ADMIT...I HAVE NOT PREPARED WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY...I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MANY THINGS BUT STILL NOT SURE. OUR JOURNEY HAS BEEN LONG, STRESSFUL AND SOMETIMES VERY DISAPPOINTING. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED A THING! JEFF AND I ARE CLOSER THEN EVER AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IF IT WERE NOT FOR OUR JOURNEY TO OUR BABY.
I just told my mother today that we suffered our 5th miscarriage. I didn't really want to tell her...I really didn't want to tell anyone, but it is our story. I guess, since it is our 5th, i have become numb to it. But after last night at church when our Pastor was talking about our babies...it became very real to me that I have been a mom for along time...only my babies are in heaven with God. WOW...that is very powerful to say! I know that our babies are all up there together...picking out the perfect baby for us to adopt. I often wonder what my life would have been like if any of those babies would have survived. I am not saying WHY ME or WHY US...I am just thinking our oldest would have been 4 already...almost ready for kindergarden...I will say I do look at kids that are between the ages of 1 and 4 and think...our baby's would have been that age now. I know that this is the path that was chosen for us...I know this...I am OK with this! I am so blessed to have lived this life I have lived. I have experienced things that most women will never experience. I do wish this journey of adoption wasn't so emotional. But if it were easy...EVERYONE would be doing it!
We are sitting in our family room tonight with the windows open and a nice cool breeze, watching the Buffalo Sabres...the only thing missing...is a baby on my chest, smelling like a baby and sleeping on me...with his/her butt up in the air...I long for that moment when it is just Jeff,me, baby and the dogs...then my life will be complete! There is a plan...I am ok with this...I am in this for the long haul...even if it takes 3 years...I will not give up my search for our baby. i will not give up my calling of helping others with their journey and stuggle through this wonderful adoption process. It will happen. Everyone who wants to adopt...DOES adopt! I know this! Hugs and Blessings!
