Thank you!

THANK YOU ALL MY FRIENDS! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WELL WISHES! WE ARE GETTING SO EXCITED AND YOU KNOW WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED! THANK YOU AGAIN...AND CONTINUE TO PRAY!

What a week!

I am so glad that this past week is behind us! Alot of emotions took place! I don't think I have ever been under this much stress in my life! We have a very good situation we are working on. We were found via the internet...how exciting to know that all those late nights paid off...at least this far. I have been ebaying a ton of stuff...I want to make money to buy things...but I don't want to touch our accounts or even think about CC's. If you are waiting to adopt...don't leave it up to others to help you. If you hear a voice in your ear telling you to place an ad...place that ad! If it is saying make up brochures and mail them to friends and family...do it! It is so time consuming but so worth it in the end.

I know nothing is guarenteed in life...but wouldn't it be nice?! We have so much stuff going on right now with summer and work and Jeff's cake business is booming! We are so busy preparing for what maybe...We are committed to the adoption! I know some people in other groups who waffle a little but...you know me...I could not let some one make the decision for me on who sees our profile...that is God's decision...I am glad I listened to those voices.

Just a side note...we were matched with 2 babies in May...2 can you stand it???? For various reasons...THOSE WERE NOT OUR BABIES!!!! Our baby is out there...on her or his way...getting ready to make thier apprearance...I know this...I feel it in my heart and in my stomach! This summer is going to go by so slow...I know this...keep praying...good things come to those who wait...and wait...and wait...

Prayers needed!

We have a situation! a REAL live situation! All I am asking for is prayers...that is all I want to post...but is a good situation and it is a very possible situation. Thank god for the internet! All of those whipsers I have heard in my ear...all those late nights posting birth mom letters on various sites...all those brochures I mailed out...all that hard work...may have paid off! We will see soon enough! Just keep praying! If you could...please ask everyone you know to pray for us...pray that this is OUR baby! We have been through so much. I only recently told people, but we suffered a 5th miscarriage...I know that our plan is God's plan...so I am ok with it...but I really want this to be our baby! Please Pray That is all I am saying! Stay tuned!

I have also created another blog for all my gardens. Many of you have asked to see my gardens, so your wish is my command! Go to www.colettesgarden.blogspot.com I am hoping it works. Hugs and Blessings!

Long Weekend...

I have been so strong for so long...So long...this weekend I was not strong. I thought we would have been parents by this weekend. Having 2 failed placements...it hurts...we have a big planting day on our street on the Saturday before Memorial Day...I am the president...so this year I thought we would have had a little on to walk up and down the street with...Kenmore has a big parade on Memorial Day...we normally have people over with all their kids...this year I wasn't in the mood for it. I can't say I am depressed just sad...sad that our baby is not home with us yet. Sad that God's plan is our plan but not our time line. On Sunday, Jeff and I slept in...we had friends over for dinner the night before and had some wine, sat outside, and talked for hours...it was nice...the weather was perfect...our yard looks like a mini park with all the flowers and plants that we have been coultivating for a year now. It is a beatuiful yard...I must say...we have done alot of work over the last 5 years. We love to entertain, Jeff loves to cook...I want our children to run in the yard...barefeet...chasing the dogs...playing with their friends. I know that this day will come...I know this...I am thankful for a great husband, a great family and great frineds... but it is not enough...I long to be a mommy...dirty little fingers and toes...dirty little face with ice cream all over it.

Today we are going to my parents...we spend most of the summer there...they have an in ground pool...we joke and call it the Getzville Country Club...today is opening day! We are spending time with family...My brother who is a vet from the Iraqi war will be there...Thank a Vet for your freedom and your safety to walk the streets of your town with out having the fear for dieing...thank a vet! Hugs and Blessings!

The Butterfly Effect

At church on sunday it was about the Butterfly Effect. How he related to our servie was basically...speak the word of the lord and good things will happen.

"God has crafted your wings to create a weather pattern of glory"

I know that I speak the word of the Lord often. I do this to help me get through my day and maybe it will help someone else. Since I have turned my life over to the Lord, my life has changed in so many ways. Our marriage is stronger, our baby is coming, our financial situation is great to the point we are able to afford our adoption with out any loans! I think that is what I am most excited about. Our relationship with our friends have become stronger also. I hope that I have helped some of you through your dark days, that is what I feel my calling is...to help others understand why this is happening to us. Our long wait for our babies to come home. You must TRUST HIM. I know I say that but please TRUST HIM. If you are TTC...TRUST HIM...there are reasons why it is taking long for you...TRUST HIM!

Today on my way to work I saw a neighbor frined of mine...Here is the story...Her older sister and Jeff went to high school together, this girl married a guy on our street. We became friends. They were married last June, started TTC and got pregnant right away. I saw her today...she looks great...she has 3 weeks to go and the baby will be here. I remember walking last summer and seeing her and talking to her about our hopes to adopt. That was right around the time they started TTC. It is funny how things happen. So here we are waiting the arrival of our baby and so is she. I think her baby will be here before ours...she is due June 12th. It was so great if our kids are around the same age. We have no small children on the street . They are all between the ages of 4 and 8...so for my kids that is too much of an age difference IMO. So when I was driving away...I felt a little sad...I will admit to it. I was a little sad. Sad that she is going to give birth to her baby. Something that I do long for...I will admit to that too. I long for the feeling of the baby again. I loved that feeling...it was amazing. I also long to hold OUR baby when he.she arrives via adoption. What a huge gift that will be. I have come to grips with the fact that my life is far more important then being selfish and getting pregnant because I want a Bio baby. A baby is a baby...it donesn't matter if it is of your blood or not. So that is where we stand...those are my feelings...love them or don't that is me. Hugs and Blessings

TGIF

Wow...it is finally Friday! I didn't think it was ever going to come! What a crazy and exciting week. We almost adopted a baby this week and got 2 great calls from our 800#! I guess when it rains it pours! I am so tired...after my Sunday...amazing Sunday at The Chapel, Monday siying good bye to a friend who is now in heaven, Tuesday...got a call about a baby...found out he was abandoned therefore CPS got him in stead...not sure what the Birth Mom was thinking when leaving the hospital without an adoption plan...but He was not our baby...same day got a call from a potential Birth Mom out of state who is due this fall...what a blessed day Tuesday was...God was really looking down on us...Wednesday...quite...Thursday...got a call about a baby due in August...we will see and finally FRIDAY...I was crazy busy at work...didn't even have a chance to catch my breathe today...very busy! No I am on the decline...what a week! Received a note today from Pastor Jerry...wow he is amazing! God really picked a great one to lead our congragation!
We are waiting to hear if a friend of our who lives near NYC is a mom yet. Her Birth Mother is in labor...we are all waiting for her daughter to arrive! We are praying for a safe and smooth arrival and a happy ending! Well here's to happy endings!

What is a strong woman?

I ask this of you. I belong to an adoption group that is full of women from all over the country, some are adopting domestically, some are international adoptions and some are foster families. I love this group. I posted what had happened on the message board and the responces back have blown me away. I guess I never really viewed myself as a strong woman. But I am being told other wise. I guess when I look back at this week, speaking in front of thousands at church, being the last woman to talk and being the only mother there with out children. Going through what we went through yesterday...being that close to a baby...wow...I guess I am a strong woman. But I would not be this strong with out my faith in the Lord. It is his love that he has for me and I for him that has made me this strong...and I will give credit to my mom! she has made me a strong woman too. I guess now when I look at it...we were hours away from bringing that little guy home...Why did she abandon him? She knew we wanted him...what would make someone do this? She knew he would go to a loving home...a couple who longs for a baby...WHY...Because it was not about US. It was about another family who has been waiting for a baby to have and to hold. I know that this little guy is going to a good home...the foster care system is not bad...there are families like you and I who want to adopt...How wonderful for that couple to get "the call" WOW!

We are watching the Sabres and Ottawa has just scored a goal...it is now 3-1 sabres...good lord...why must they score??? I am a hockey junkie...I love Detroit...so I am hoping that if the Sabres do win we play Detroit...that would be the best! Have a great day! Hugs and Blessings!

Another baby sighting...

That is what I like to call it when there is a "situation". We got a call today from a friend who has a friend, who knows of a girl who's friend just had a baby! Did you get that...ok...her was born yesterday, he is healthy and doing great. But the Birth Mother is not moving fast enough and it looks like he is going to go to CPS. It is a long story...but this baby was not meant for us. I did everything in my powers to get to her...I spoke to her twice and talked to her best friend and still nothing. I am not sure what she is waiting for...if anything...maybe she is just waiting for the county to move in. We are getting closer! That is for sure. Since my testimony at church, now the word is out there and there are thousands of people praying for us and thinking of us...our time is coming...I can feel it. I know I have said that before...but I am telling you...I feel it. It is a strange feeling...I feel God's presence...it is so strong and powerful...so I am getting stuff ready...washed the sheets and doing some much needed cleaning...keep checking back...

BUSY WEEK...

IT HAS BEEN A VERY BUSY WEEK FOR US HERE. I HAVE BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG, JEFF HAS BEEN HOME SICK WITH A NASTY COLD AND I AM GETTING READY FOR MY BIG DAY AT CHURCH. WE HAD A MEETING AT CHURCH AND I MET THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON. GOD WORKS IN SUCH MYSTERIOUS WAYS. WE INSTANTLY CONNECTED. I FELT SO BLESSED TO BE IN A ROOM FULL OF 5 BEAUTIFUL MOTHERS OF ALL AGES AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS ALIKE IN THEIR JOURNEY OF MOTHERHOOD. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR SERVICE ON SUNDAY. I MUST ADMIT...I HAVE NOT PREPARED WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY...I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MANY THINGS BUT STILL NOT SURE. OUR JOURNEY HAS BEEN LONG, STRESSFUL AND SOMETIMES VERY DISAPPOINTING. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED A THING! JEFF AND I ARE CLOSER THEN EVER AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IF IT WERE NOT FOR OUR JOURNEY TO OUR BABY.

I just told my mother today that we suffered our 5th miscarriage. I didn't really want to tell her...I really didn't want to tell anyone, but it is our story. I guess, since it is our 5th, i have become numb to it. But after last night at church when our Pastor was talking about our babies...it became very real to me that I have been a mom for along time...only my babies are in heaven with God. WOW...that is very powerful to say! I know that our babies are all up there together...picking out the perfect baby for us to adopt. I often wonder what my life would have been like if any of those babies would have survived. I am not saying WHY ME or WHY US...I am just thinking our oldest would have been 4 already...almost ready for kindergarden...I will say I do look at kids that are between the ages of 1 and 4 and think...our baby's would have been that age now. I know that this is the path that was chosen for us...I know this...I am OK with this! I am so blessed to have lived this life I have lived. I have experienced things that most women will never experience. I do wish this journey of adoption wasn't so emotional. But if it were easy...EVERYONE would be doing it!

We are sitting in our family room tonight with the windows open and a nice cool breeze, watching the Buffalo Sabres...the only thing missing...is a baby on my chest, smelling like a baby and sleeping on me...with his/her butt up in the air...I long for that moment when it is just Jeff,me, baby and the dogs...then my life will be complete! There is a plan...I am ok with this...I am in this for the long haul...even if it takes 3 years...I will not give up my search for our baby. i will not give up my calling of helping others with their journey and stuggle through this wonderful adoption process. It will happen. Everyone who wants to adopt...DOES adopt! I know this! Hugs and Blessings!

So I have been thinking...

(as my brother would say...Did it hurt?) So we have been waiting for just about 9 months...a full term pregnancy. I always said that I would get crazy until we hit that 9 month mark...well it is approaching fast...I am starting to get crazy! Not with When or Why...just how much longer will it be. We have made another contact regarding adoption, so our name went there too! We will see what happens and what will transpire. In this world of Adoption and living in New York State...all you can do is network, advertise or go with an agency...so I have been networking my brains out. We have another mailing going out to our frineds...that should take place in early May...Just a reminder...we are STILL looking to adopt. I know that this process has not only brought Jeff and I closer to the lord, but it has brought us closer to...if that is possible. I can honestly say...I would have wanted it any other way...I love and adore my husband and he loves and adores me. I thank the Lord for giving and helping us have a strong marriage. My parents have been married for almost 41 years. Jeff's parents were married for 29 years. So we have long marries working with us. All of our friends have strong marriages...we have a wonderful support group. I thank the lord for that everyday. So, on this rainy friday afternoon...I sit and look out my office window and think...