So I was going to type something depressing...that is what my mood is...maybe it is the still of the night...bed time...all is quite and you think of your day...what you did...you think of what you have to do tomorrow and then...well I pray...sometimes I fall asleep praying, sometimes not. I pray for all my friends that are in my life...for their adoptions, for their children, for their family, for their pregnancies, for their health, for their love and their understanding. Then my mind wanders...what is she doing right now...is she thinking of us? Is she as scared as we are? Is she going to call?, How is she feeling? Is she taking care of herself? Then I start to think...does she know what we are going through? Is that selfish of me to say...does she know what we want her baby so bad the we would do anything for her/him? well almost anything Does she know that Jeff and I are madly in love with each other and we can't wait to be a family...we will be married 7 years...together for 8 years. That is a long time to be together without children...but man we wouldn't change a thing...we are stronger as a couple because what we have gone through for this little one. All of the heartache will still be there but in another spot of our heart...deep inside our heart...not so fresh on top of our heart...it will have to move...to make room for our baby...our girl or boy...our little peanut.

Some days it hits me...I could be a mom any day...something I have longed for, for so long...we have longed for...dreamt about...I can smell her/him...I can feel her/him...So lord...if you would...please hurry up...I am not putting pressure on you...but we are ready to be a family...just one child we would be happy with...just one true blessing from you for us.

Ok... it is off to bed and tomorrow...it is time to tackle the closets! Wish me luck!