A thought...

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

I have 2 friends that are currently visiting their children in far off lands. International adoption must be hard. Knowing your child is so far away and you are here has got to be gut wrenching. I know it is hard for us Domestic Adoption parents, being matched and then waiting to see if it all goes through.

Through this adoption process I have grown up alot. Not just as a person but as a friend too. We have very different lives, come from all walks of life, but we have one common thread that keeps us close and friends...ADOPTION. I always knew I wanted to adopt. From the moment I was created, our family already had adoption in it. My brother was adopted. So from day one...I had it in me. Adoption was the plan. I never thought I would have infertility in my life, but maybe that was God's plan for me. To be infertile so that would ensure that I would adopt. We all have various reasons why we want to adopt. Some are infertile or some want to expand their family and can no longer do it biologically. Case in point. A situation has come their way, a friend of mine. Please pray that the best thing happens for these children. It would be wonderful for their family to grow through adoption.

I have never been the person to think that I deserve to be an adoptive parent. I have worked very hard at trying to become one. I know the situation that we have, could have the possibility of her not placing...I understand that, and it has happened to us before. (There was a little boy in May that we were chosen for, and the birth mother left the hospital, with the notion that we would be there to pick the baby up. Well we all know that we did not end up having that baby of our own. ) We have had many heartaches in our marriage when it has come to children. We have had our hopes and dreams shattered before. It is never easy when it happens but it does happen. We are still cautiously optimistic that this is OUR baby. All signs are ago...the situation that no one knows but us, our attorneys and "A".

I love having the lord in my life...he makes it so much easier when you fall to get back up again. We are still patiently waiting for the arrival of our baby. Patients is a virtue...

Proverbs 8:33-34, “Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. (NIV)

WOW...this is huge for me! It took me forever to really get this! We have been wanting to have a family for almost 6 years...actually...since we met on October 10, 1999. We discussed family on our first date at Friday's near the Galleria Mall. Not until we had 4 miscarriages and or little Joe did it hit me up side the head...LISTEN TO HIM! I tell people this all the time. You know when you are about to do something and you hear or say something in your head...don't go home that way or say hello to so and so...I feel that that is the Lord talking to me. That is how I handle situations...by listening to my little voice...GOD...telling me what to do. Gosh do I love to hear that voice. If it were not for that voice...we would not be on this wonderful journey to our daughter! So the next time you hear something...it may be very quite or very loud...listen and do what that voice says...now if I would just liten to it when it says "Step away from the cookies, ice cream or anything else sweet" I would be a thin woman! But it is not all about the looks...it is what is inside that counts! Love ya all!

They are at it again...Lord help us!

So the evil neighbors are at it again! Yesterday when I pulled in the drive way..."M" came charging at me...that is the nicest way to say it...charging like a bull! She started yelling..."take all of your stuff off the fence we are removing it!" I was on the cell phone and I looked at her and thought..."she is surly crazy!" I told her that if she removed the fence she would have to replace...well she flipped out! She started to follow me up my drive way...as I was pulling in and then was yelling in between the houses! - Good Lord! So I went into the house told Jeff what was going on and he and my mother reminded me that the fence is on OUR property! When Her husband installed the fence he put it on OUR property...except for a half panel. So after she settled down, and she was out side I tried to approach her...she is very young and VERY immature! I told her that we have our survey and will give them a copy of it to show them that it is our fence. Well the Knuckle head that she is said "well we paid for it...it is our fence" Yeah well it's on OUR property...whether they paid for it or not! So now we are dealing with this non sense! Every year we are harassed by these people. Jeff is really getting to the point that he is now saying things...which says alot! We have contacted our attorney and we are going to let her handle it...but good lord woman!
for a side note...we called the police on they guys who work on their yard...they were spraying chemicals on our garden after Jeff had told them to stop and his response was that "his customer" told him to do it and he is going to do it. He then became very abusive to Jeff and Jeff wasn't going to stand for it. Jeff then called the police and when they arrived...a very handsome cop...if I might add came to the door, we explained to him what was happening. Then the cop went over to talk to him and he became abusive to him...so the cop knows that we were not blowing this out of proportion! So i think that is what sparked her to go crazy!
So, when she was ranting and raving...saying that we call the police on her all the time...which is a total lie...once in 3 years...that is not all the time! I said she was acting crazy! Holy Cow...you would have thought that I took her first born...she went nuts...I turned to Jeff and said...let's go back in side...she is losing control! So that is where we are with the crazy neighbors...They are pure evil! That is when I thought of this...“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” Psalm 16:8 (NLT)Every now and then I think God puts the devil in front of you to see what you will do. Well...isn't he funny...he put her right next to me! He has a funny sense of humor!
Everything is moving right along with the adoption. Only 1 month and 2 weeks left...6 weeks to go! I can hardly wait. I know that there is still a chance she may not place...there is always that chance...but it is in the Lord's hands and I know he will do the right thing! Everything is falling into place...the house, the baby, the job, our life in general. I am so thankful that I chose to turn it over to him and stop trying to being in control of everything.

WOW how powerful is this...

Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (NIV)

Wow that is huge! THAT IS ALL I WILL POST TODAY...SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

Do you see HIM?

“Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy.” I Peter 1:8 (NRSV)
Ok...so every morning and every night, I go into our baby's room and pray over the crib. I visualize our baby in there...I see him/her, I can smell him/her, I can even hear a faint cry. I see our baby everyday...in my mind and in my heart. I also see God everyday...I see him in Jeff's face, in the bunny that ran in front of my car today who looked at me like :oh S--T! If you look around you will see him...you just need to have your eyes and your heart open. Have a blessed day!

The Butterfly Effect

At church on sunday it was about the Butterfly Effect. How he related to our servie was basically...speak the word of the lord and good things will happen.

"God has crafted your wings to create a weather pattern of glory"

I know that I speak the word of the Lord often. I do this to help me get through my day and maybe it will help someone else. Since I have turned my life over to the Lord, my life has changed in so many ways. Our marriage is stronger, our baby is coming, our financial situation is great to the point we are able to afford our adoption with out any loans! I think that is what I am most excited about. Our relationship with our friends have become stronger also. I hope that I have helped some of you through your dark days, that is what I feel my calling is...to help others understand why this is happening to us. Our long wait for our babies to come home. You must TRUST HIM. I know I say that but please TRUST HIM. If you are TTC...TRUST HIM...there are reasons why it is taking long for you...TRUST HIM!

Today on my way to work I saw a neighbor frined of mine...Here is the story...Her older sister and Jeff went to high school together, this girl married a guy on our street. We became friends. They were married last June, started TTC and got pregnant right away. I saw her today...she looks great...she has 3 weeks to go and the baby will be here. I remember walking last summer and seeing her and talking to her about our hopes to adopt. That was right around the time they started TTC. It is funny how things happen. So here we are waiting the arrival of our baby and so is she. I think her baby will be here before ours...she is due June 12th. It was so great if our kids are around the same age. We have no small children on the street . They are all between the ages of 4 and 8...so for my kids that is too much of an age difference IMO. So when I was driving away...I felt a little sad...I will admit to it. I was a little sad. Sad that she is going to give birth to her baby. Something that I do long for...I will admit to that too. I long for the feeling of the baby again. I loved that feeling...it was amazing. I also long to hold OUR baby when he.she arrives via adoption. What a huge gift that will be. I have come to grips with the fact that my life is far more important then being selfish and getting pregnant because I want a Bio baby. A baby is a baby...it donesn't matter if it is of your blood or not. So that is where we stand...those are my feelings...love them or don't that is me. Hugs and Blessings

Another baby sighting...

That is what I like to call it when there is a "situation". We got a call today from a friend who has a friend, who knows of a girl who's friend just had a baby! Did you get that...ok...her was born yesterday, he is healthy and doing great. But the Birth Mother is not moving fast enough and it looks like he is going to go to CPS. It is a long story...but this baby was not meant for us. I did everything in my powers to get to her...I spoke to her twice and talked to her best friend and still nothing. I am not sure what she is waiting for...if anything...maybe she is just waiting for the county to move in. We are getting closer! That is for sure. Since my testimony at church, now the word is out there and there are thousands of people praying for us and thinking of us...our time is coming...I can feel it. I know I have said that before...but I am telling you...I feel it. It is a strange feeling...I feel God's presence...it is so strong and powerful...so I am getting stuff ready...washed the sheets and doing some much needed cleaning...keep checking back...

Trust in him...

The blogging community is so big and I have met so many people here. Whether they are trying to adopt or TTC with IF. I thought of this verse from the bible...I hope this helps with those who are struggling with the "why" factor...

"TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING" Proverbs 3:5

So many times thing may happen to us, whether it be an adoption miscarriage or a bio-miscarriage, IF, PCOS and so on. We can spend all day sitting there asking ourselves..."Why me" You need to TRUST IN HIM with ALL your heart! It took me a long time...I was thinking yesterday while Jeff and I were out and about...Here is our time line...

3/03 - IUI and got pregnant then m/c 8 weeks later

5/03 - IUI and became pregnant with twins! M/C baby one within 8 weeks

8/23/03 - Our baby was a still born at 16-17 weeks gestation.

8/23/03 - 12/13/03 - Stayed in bed or at home for over 4 months...depression set in and I thought my life was over...on 12/13 I cried from the moment I woke up until the moment Jeff came home from work. "That is when he said...will our life ever be the same or are you going to cry everyday for the rest of your life?" At that moment it hit me...I was wasting my life with the "why me" "why us" From 12/14/03 until 2/06 -- over 2 years...I struggled with IF and TTC and constantly thinking and trying to be in control of it. 2/06 I said to Jeff..."we are not getting any younger and all we want is to be parents...so let's adopt! " That was it...and here we are 5/07...on our journey of adoption. But back in 11/05 we were at our first bible study group... and one of the girls there was talking about me turning control over to the lord...MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME! Jeff came on board with the adoption journey...everything started to fall into place...our money situation, my new job...everything...So I am here to tell you...TRUST IN HIM! Please...Trust in him...he always does the right thing. It may not seem that way right now...but trust in him. I love you, god loves you...most importantly...love yourself!