Another great Sunday!

Well we got up early this morning anticipating going to church...then we remembered that there was a Flea Market down the street from My parents in Getzville. So we watched church on TV (channel 7 at 7:30 am every sunday) got dress and got on the road. We were really looking for old wooden toys from fisher price for the baby's room to put on the shelves...they had them, but they were $45-65 per toy! OUCH! Well we didn't buy any and walked around then left. We then went to Tom Towers for our weekly produce shopping, then to Lewiston where we stopped for day old pizza at Di Camillos Bakery...The best day old pizza in town. So as we were walking back to the car, bags in hand, holding hands...I said to Jeff...these days are coming to an end where we can just jump out of the car and go into a store. Soon we will be unloading a baby!!!!! He smiled!

There are so many things I want to do with our baby...so many...I don't want to wish the time away...so I am going to enjoy our last days together as a couple! Later today we are going to my parents to swim and have a BBQ.

Mom and I had a great time at BRU...we did some shopping but we also registered. I got there first and when my mom arrived it was like seeing a kid in a candy store where the candy is free. Her eyes lit up and got really big. She headed over to the clothes...little girl clothes...so I had to pull her away...then we headed to the other sections and began to register. It was alot of fun. She kept me grounded and we really ejoyed our selves! It was a great day!

This morning Jeff told me to start packing an over night bag so when we get the call we are on our way. So I am going to do that today...

Have you noticed anything different???????????? First one who guesses get a prize!!! Jen G and Dana...you can't guess...you already know...

Have a great day!!

Another hot one...

Well this weekend is going to be hot again! I really am not a fan of the heat. I prefer it to be around 70 degrees and now that our birth mother is so far along, I feel bad because it has been such a hot summer. My mom told me this is the type of summer she had when she was pregant with me. Only difference is i was born at the end of June...we are not on July 7th! Everything is still on track and we are so darn thrilled I can hardly stand it! Mom and I are going to register today...Jeff doesn't really care on way or the other. He is so funny...I think he is getting bored and just wants the baby home! I agree with him! Not the bored part...whating him home.

I think mom is excited that I am including her. Why not this is her first grandchild and maybe her only, so since we are best friends...I wouldn't want it anyother way! Plus she will keep me grounded. I am sure I would register for everything under the sun, if I could.

My girlfriend stoped by on Friday...she had her son about 4 months ago and he is already rolling over!!!! We are so excited...Rae and I worked together years ago...now our children will be friends! How cool is that!

I cleaned the baby's room on Friday...it is all set and ready to go...(except for the shelves Jeff is building, he will around to it soon) It looks so beautiful! I can't wait to have the baby in there! My friend lent me her grandmothers, Aunt's rocking chair...We think it is pretty old!!! It just makes the room! So that is where we are. We are still in town...haven't left yet...waiting for the call to come! Keep you all posted!

Are you are Reality TV Junkie????

I am...my favoriate show is on again. Big Brother...What a loser I am. Why do I like it...I don't know. Jeff hates it but sits and watches it with me every year. I can't believe it has been on for 8 seasons. I guess I am not the only one.

Had a great day today...went to Amy's for lunch...Kris was there, Amy's mom and Amy's sister in law, along with all the kids. It was nice to see the girls. It has been a long time since we all got together.

It was a great day! Hugs and Blessings

Spoke to "A" Things are going well... she is tired but that is to be expected. Just waiting for the call. Keep you all posted!

What a week!

It has been a crazy week and we are only half way through! Spoke to our birth mom and thing are going great! Doctor said it could be soon. Baby looks great! I know it sounds crazy...but I am scared! I know it is a normal feeling and everyone feels this way. I remember I had this feeling when we were pregnant...but now I am older and we have had almost 4 years more together. I am looking so forward to adding a baby to the family...just scared. All my girlfriends said they felt the same way...so I know I am normal! Jeff is so excited...it is so cute to see our men like this...I love it!

It was a very nice day even though it rained most of the day! We ended up going to our neighbors for dinner and had a lovey time. I just love our neighbors...Dave and Peggy and Scott and Jenny. We have become great friends! They are so excited about the baby too! I feel like it is all I talk about...good lord...I am sure I am boring people with it. My friend said I was glowing...I said of course I am in my 9 month...don't all expectant mothers glow???? We chuckled! It is going to be a week to end all weeks. I have taken 2 days off from work to do a bunch of stuff around the house. I am hoping to get up early, so I can go for lunch with the girls, but still get stuff done in the house! That is my plan! Well it is late, I should get to bed...I am wired...I had a half cup of coffee at 8:45pm...what was I thinking!!!!!

Putting it all together!

So here is Jeff putting together our stroller. You would have thought he was putting together a million little peices! Oh What fun!!! So we have the stroller and car seat ready to go. Jeff asked me last night if the luggage was in the attic. I love that question...now he is thinking like I am. I am getting all the clothes together...getting stuff ready so when Mom comes to watch the dogs thing will be perfect for her. I love this process but I think it is making me crazy!!! I have check lists about my check lists!!!! Oh Lord help me!!! I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

Happy Fathers Day

So every year we go to the Fort Erie Race Track, Ontario Canada for Father's Day. Only we go the week after. So here are a few pictures of our day. We go with Mom and Dad, Gram and Damon. It is always fun. The horses always remind of our dogs...then I get sad and I stop betting! Of course I didn't win anything! Jeff broke even and Gram always wins!

Here it looks like Gram has fallen asleep..she is really looking at the racing book! Jeff and dad were off placing bets! Mom is chatting away!

The Boss

So...every Sunday in the summer we drive up to Youngstown and drive the sea way trail along the river and end up in Lewiston, NY for lunch. Well there is a spot that we turn around at and most of the time this goat isstanding on the platform. He looks so cute...as to say look at me...I am the boss! I had to take a picture of it and share it with you! He is the BOSS!

I will not be broken!

I have thought about this alot...but I will not be broken. I am so excited to me a mommy that I can't stand it. Jeff will be going back to work, he has been on vacation for 2 weeks and it has gone by so fast. We have been talking about when the baby arrives and what he will do about work for the first 2 weeks. My parents came over for dinner along with my MIL who I adore and who is so darn funny. She makes my mother and me laugh so hard some times. I know where Jeff gets his sense of humor from.

I have spoken to a few people and some have responded to my blog about the horrible, mean and uncalled for post the other day. (The person is from Virginia...I have tracked down the IP address.) I thank you all for your support and kind words. I really dislike when Trolls enter your site and say terrible things. But I will not be broken.

Being 36 for one day feels the same as it did at 35. Getting one year older is like finding another grey hair. It is bound to happen! Speaking of grey hair...I just had my hair colored and boy did it need it. I think my whole head is turning grey. My hair dresser said it is from all the stress I am under. I thought about that word...Stress...and yes I am. Waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement of "I am heading to the hospital" is worse then waiting for the phone to ring for "the call" It is very stressful. I am sure she is feeling the same way. We all have the same feelings only for different reasons.

We had a wonderful day yesterday. My darling husband, whom I love and adore...woke me up with breakfast and flowers. Then we went to Lewiston, NY for a Garden festival, hosted by Lewiston Garden Club. It was so nice seeing others' gardens and walking hand in hand with the man I love. We drove for a bit, went to our favorite farmers market...Tom Towers in Youngstown, NY. We go there every Sunday morning from June 30 until the weekend before Thanksgiving. ( We both said...this could be our last trip to Tom Towers with out a baby. I love when we think the same things.) We drove around the river and headed home. What a great day it was. Temperature was perfect and the clouds puffy. Then my parents came over and my MIL. My mother bought the cutest little outfit for the baby on her day home. Too cute.

Today is a day for nesting. Jeff and I are both doing things just to keep busy. Work tomorrow and another work week is ahead of us. I hope the rates get better. I am also hoping to take a few days off to spend with my friends and their kids. It is going to be a slow week with the holiday and all in the middle of the week. I think I am taking the later part of the week off. We will see. Chat soon!

A thought...

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

I have 2 friends that are currently visiting their children in far off lands. International adoption must be hard. Knowing your child is so far away and you are here has got to be gut wrenching. I know it is hard for us Domestic Adoption parents, being matched and then waiting to see if it all goes through.

Through this adoption process I have grown up alot. Not just as a person but as a friend too. We have very different lives, come from all walks of life, but we have one common thread that keeps us close and friends...ADOPTION. I always knew I wanted to adopt. From the moment I was created, our family already had adoption in it. My brother was adopted. So from day one...I had it in me. Adoption was the plan. I never thought I would have infertility in my life, but maybe that was God's plan for me. To be infertile so that would ensure that I would adopt. We all have various reasons why we want to adopt. Some are infertile or some want to expand their family and can no longer do it biologically. Case in point. A situation has come their way, a friend of mine. Please pray that the best thing happens for these children. It would be wonderful for their family to grow through adoption.

I have never been the person to think that I deserve to be an adoptive parent. I have worked very hard at trying to become one. I know the situation that we have, could have the possibility of her not placing...I understand that, and it has happened to us before. (There was a little boy in May that we were chosen for, and the birth mother left the hospital, with the notion that we would be there to pick the baby up. Well we all know that we did not end up having that baby of our own. ) We have had many heartaches in our marriage when it has come to children. We have had our hopes and dreams shattered before. It is never easy when it happens but it does happen. We are still cautiously optimistic that this is OUR baby. All signs are ago...the situation that no one knows but us, our attorneys and "A".

I love having the lord in my life...he makes it so much easier when you fall to get back up again. We are still patiently waiting for the arrival of our baby. Patients is a virtue...

Published Comments

I will no longer be posting information on Our adoption situation on this blog. I received a terrible comment from someone and I will not take that abuse from someone who knows nothing about our situation. Whether you are a Birth Mother or a adoptive parent emotions are high. If you feel the need to make a comment please email me directly. This blog is for friends not enemies. Our Birth Mother is a special person who is funny, kind and an incredible person and we are so blessed to have her in our life. When I posted that I was excited about her being dilated...that did not mean that I was excited that the baby is going to be born premature...It meant we were that much closer to becoming parents. I know all about March of Dime and the situation with preemie and when the Birth Mothers sings the paper work. I am well aware of how it goes. If you had read our entire blog you would have seen that we have had failed placements before. Every situation is different when it comes to adoption. Some are opened some are closed. Some birth mothers have no children at home and some do. Birth mothers make one of the hardest decision in the world.

I will pray for the person who post that ugly comment, that you will find peace in your life. And that you will learn not to spoil someone excitement. I have never walked in your shoes nor you in mine...but i have respect for all...God Bless

FOR THOSE WHO KNOW US, KNOW THAT WE WOULD NEVER ASK GOD FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT RIGHT. IT IS IN THE LORDS HANDS AS TO WHEN THE BABY IS BORN. NOT OURS OR THE BIRTH MOTHERS. PLEASE BE KIND TO OTHERS.

Does infertility = guilt?

So I thought I had passed the feelings of guilt when it came to infertility and not being able to carry to full term...guess I was wrong. We had Jeff's cousin and her family over for dinner. She has 3 adorable sons. Max is 4, Cole is 2 and Miles is 7 months. Well...Max looks just like Jeff when he was little. It is like looking into all the old photos of Jeff. I wanted to keep Max at our house. He is what I always thought our son would look like. I couldn't get enough of him. He is so smart and handsome. Jeff's' cousin is married to a guy who's mom use to babysit my brother and I when we were small. It is strange to think that we are now family. There has been alot of drama in Jeff's family due to his fathers new wife. But we are now re connecting his his cousin and her family. It was so nice to have them over. She got Miles dressed for bed in his little sleeper and I had to hold him. What a snuggle bug he is. I didn't want him to go...He was falling a sleep on me. It was wonderful. I can't wait to hold our baby. She gave us some great advise and I can't wait to share her with our family!

Things are moving along nicely. It is now 39 days and all is quite on the western front...Just the way we like it! We are going to The Trading Post today in Springville, NY. I have 4 large totes full of boy clothes...4! I can't believe it. So I picked through it and got alot of clothes to trade for new baby stuff that we need! So as I was picking through them...Jeff said...you better be careful giving all this stuff away...what if it is a boy!? I was so happy to hear him say that. There is alot behind that statement. Some of you may know what it is others my not...so we will keep it there!

I hope to write again soon. It is crazy in the summer when the weather is nice...we spend most of our time at mom and dad's house in the pool.

One last thing...4 days till I turn 36...ick!!!!!

Proverbs 8:33-34, “Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. (NIV)

WOW...this is huge for me! It took me forever to really get this! We have been wanting to have a family for almost 6 years...actually...since we met on October 10, 1999. We discussed family on our first date at Friday's near the Galleria Mall. Not until we had 4 miscarriages and or little Joe did it hit me up side the head...LISTEN TO HIM! I tell people this all the time. You know when you are about to do something and you hear or say something in your head...don't go home that way or say hello to so and so...I feel that that is the Lord talking to me. That is how I handle situations...by listening to my little voice...GOD...telling me what to do. Gosh do I love to hear that voice. If it were not for that voice...we would not be on this wonderful journey to our daughter! So the next time you hear something...it may be very quite or very loud...listen and do what that voice says...now if I would just liten to it when it says "Step away from the cookies, ice cream or anything else sweet" I would be a thin woman! But it is not all about the looks...it is what is inside that counts! Love ya all!

They are at it again...Lord help us!

So the evil neighbors are at it again! Yesterday when I pulled in the drive way..."M" came charging at me...that is the nicest way to say it...charging like a bull! She started yelling..."take all of your stuff off the fence we are removing it!" I was on the cell phone and I looked at her and thought..."she is surly crazy!" I told her that if she removed the fence she would have to replace...well she flipped out! She started to follow me up my drive way...as I was pulling in and then was yelling in between the houses! - Good Lord! So I went into the house told Jeff what was going on and he and my mother reminded me that the fence is on OUR property! When Her husband installed the fence he put it on OUR property...except for a half panel. So after she settled down, and she was out side I tried to approach her...she is very young and VERY immature! I told her that we have our survey and will give them a copy of it to show them that it is our fence. Well the Knuckle head that she is said "well we paid for it...it is our fence" Yeah well it's on OUR property...whether they paid for it or not! So now we are dealing with this non sense! Every year we are harassed by these people. Jeff is really getting to the point that he is now saying things...which says alot! We have contacted our attorney and we are going to let her handle it...but good lord woman!
for a side note...we called the police on they guys who work on their yard...they were spraying chemicals on our garden after Jeff had told them to stop and his response was that "his customer" told him to do it and he is going to do it. He then became very abusive to Jeff and Jeff wasn't going to stand for it. Jeff then called the police and when they arrived...a very handsome cop...if I might add came to the door, we explained to him what was happening. Then the cop went over to talk to him and he became abusive to him...so the cop knows that we were not blowing this out of proportion! So i think that is what sparked her to go crazy!
So, when she was ranting and raving...saying that we call the police on her all the time...which is a total lie...once in 3 years...that is not all the time! I said she was acting crazy! Holy Cow...you would have thought that I took her first born...she went nuts...I turned to Jeff and said...let's go back in side...she is losing control! So that is where we are with the crazy neighbors...They are pure evil! That is when I thought of this...“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” Psalm 16:8 (NLT)Every now and then I think God puts the devil in front of you to see what you will do. Well...isn't he funny...he put her right next to me! He has a funny sense of humor!
Everything is moving right along with the adoption. Only 1 month and 2 weeks left...6 weeks to go! I can hardly wait. I know that there is still a chance she may not place...there is always that chance...but it is in the Lord's hands and I know he will do the right thing! Everything is falling into place...the house, the baby, the job, our life in general. I am so thankful that I chose to turn it over to him and stop trying to being in control of everything.

Ok...things I need to know...

Ok Ladies...here it is...since our sweet pea will be home soon, I am asking all of you...yes even the lurkers for help! When you came home with your baby...what is the one thing that you wish you knew that no one told you. I want you to be completely honest...tell me! If you are a lurker, now is your time to post! I know that there are some of you who read this who do not have children yet...your time is coming...so I am hoping this helps you too. Forward my blog along to your friends...I want to know all! I know that there things that will pop up that are unforeseen but with your help...maybe the surprises will be less!

It's Saturday night date night! I love Saturday night date night! I think we should have done this sooner. But I am glad we are doing it now. We have been together for almost 8 years and you forget what it is like to date the man you love and adore. Tonight we are going to Orazio's. We love it there! We had our rehearsal dinner there...it is soooooo good!

I can't find my camera adaptor for the computer! I am going crazy! I have so many pictures I want to post! So I am on a mission to find it! I am hoping I find it soon! I am going crazy!!!

Call me crazy...but...

I like my own books! So I am now looking for the book called Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolf. I don't like going to the library, I like my own books. Or someone elses that I can read on my own time and not the library's time. I know it is crazy but that is me. I hear this book is great. I have so many questions, feelings and concerns that it is now consuming my life...Like the adoption process to this point wasn't! So if you know of anyone who has this book and is will to part with it for a while let me know. I guess I am becoming cheap in my old age...ouch...36 in 16 days...but who is counting!

So we are at the 7 week mark...I was driving to work to day and I saw a friend of mine who's daughter is pregnant and is due July 17th. She looked so uncomfortable...ready to go...as I was driving away (after I told them our great news) and I was thinking...I hope our Birth Mother is doing ok with this heat...I know it was bothering her before and I am sure the last few days have been very hot for her!

We got some much done yesterday...Jeff starts his vacation on Saturday night! I can't wait! It will be nice tohave him home. There are so many things we want to get done...not things anyone else will notice...cleaning closets, basement, finishing the baby's room and gardening! The guys are coming over on Monday to do the flower beds and they are pulling out trees that were damaged in the October storm. I love to see the garden with a fresh layer of mulch!

Tonight, I am going out to dinner with my best girlfriends...Amy and Kris...It has been so long since we just chated! Now I can finally chat about our baby that is on her way. It is always diffiuclt to sit there and listen to everyone elses lives with their children when you don't have them. I think I have held up well! Soon they will have to listen to my stories! I CAN'T WAIT!

Stroller shopping...Nesting and everything else...

Oh good lord! I thought car shopping was time consuming! Boy was I wrong! I like to shop...we all know that...actually...I LOVE to SHOP! So we are on a mission to find the right baby stroller and car seat...this is my mission...my mission to find this car seat and stroller at a really good price. I am picky...very picky so this is the car seat I want along with the stroller. Only problem is...Babies r us don't carry it in the Metro Lite. I love the Metro Lite...it is only 12 lbs it self...easy to lift and put in the trunk. I have a bad back so I have to be careful with what I lift. So now I am on a mission to find this car seat and stroller online for less. Jeff is such a good sport, I think he just likes being with me and spending time with me he doesn't care where it is. I am lucky! This I know. We have not done a full blown registry yet...we are waiting to do that until it gets closer to the due date. More like mid July. But I have been slowly adding things to the registry...it is fun but very overwhelming. I have friends that are calling telling me what they have for us...It is exciting.

Since I am straight comission I am limited to my time off...but you all know me...I am going to take as much as possible. Jeff is taking 2 weeks off...He JUST told his boss we are adopting...that is the difference with women...I have had my bill board up for some time...everyone knows we are adopting! So...Jeff is so excited! I have a private office so I am able to bring her to work...My boss is cool with this...I think he would rather see me working then not! So would hubby!

My mother calls me at work and tells me things she has thought of during her day about the baby's room or anything else relating to baby. My father said last night...every day he gets more excited! I love to hear that from him! I have always wanted my father to be here when I had a baby. I never had a grandfather, so it is so important to me that my dad is here. I am blessed with that also considering in January we almost lost him! I am taking off tomorrow to help jeff out with things in the house and to try to get caught up with work at home. I know that our house HAS to be in order when the baby comes...this is a must! I will go crazy if it is not! So things are moving along...53 days till our sweet pea arrives! Maybe sooner! Here is the stroller let me know what you think! I don't want anything too pink, there is going to be alot of pink, I wanted something trendy!

I was wrong...

So when I am wrong about something I will admit it! We got our home study out to look over before we sent it to our attorney and it said that our date for completed home study was a month later then I thought! SO I have replaced my ticker! It has only been a little over 9 months. We got our Match call on May 30th...which would have been our 9 month and 1 day of waiting...just like a pregnancy!

So now we wait...we wait for our little girl to arrive...I wonder what she will look like...I don't care but I wonder! We have no sonogram of her...we don't know what the birth parents look like...I wonder...I don't care...what ever she looks like she will be ours...ours to hold, kiss, cuddle, play with, teach how to garden...how to cook...HOW TO SHOP!...how to be a wonderful little person...I can't wait to hold her and smell her...I am going to take one long big inhale and smell her and I am going to put that in my memory forever. I haven't seen Jeff this happy in a long time...The TTC or Infertility or Adoption Jounrey takes so much out of you...it wears you down...it trys to break you...but you must stay strong...I LOVE my husband...I can't wait to see him with our daughter. I want him to be the first to hold her...to smell her...to cry on her...to look at me with a tear in his eye...I can't wait! How many days?????? Ok...I am crying AGAIN!!! Will these tears ever stop!!!! I hope not...soon they will be tears of joy...laughter...Hugs and Blessings

TURN IT UP!

Ever hear a song you haven't heard in a long time...you get so excited you turn it up???? Well I did today...Dark Side by Eddie and the Cruisers! Do you remember that movie...that is one of my mom's favoriate movie...not only did I turn it up...I opened all the windows...I figured I won't be able to do that so enough...So I will get it out of my system now. What a great song. Maybe I like it so much because my mom likes it. Who knows...good song!

Thank you!

THANK YOU ALL MY FRIENDS! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WELL WISHES! WE ARE GETTING SO EXCITED AND YOU KNOW WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED! THANK YOU AGAIN...AND CONTINUE TO PRAY!

WOW how powerful is this...

Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (NIV)

Wow that is huge! THAT IS ALL I WILL POST TODAY...SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

SO.............

I have been hemming and hawing for a few days now whether to post or not to post, but after today I feel I MUST post. Last week we were called and told that we were matched! We were so excited...for the last 5 days I have been so stressed out...after today...I am more at ease. We have a fabulous birth mother who has chosen us! She found us on the Internet, on a website that I found a few months ago and spent all night that night deciding if I should post there or not...glad I listened to my little voice called God...can you stand it! We are expecting our daughter to arrive on or around August 4th. That is about 8 weeks away, but we are all hoping she comes sooner. I hope this for a number of reasons...I hope this because I am selfish and want my daughter home! I hope this, because I know that our Birth Mother is so uncomfortable with this heat! I hope this because we have waited so long for our baby to arrive. But I know the longer she stays inside the better.

I know most people don't announce this type of news until it is closer. But you know how I feel about the power for prayer. We know that God has us in his sights and knows we are ready and I now know it is for sure in his time, but will remain cautiously optomistic! We had a wonderful conversation today, our birth mother is beautiful, smart, funny, easy going and not a selfish person. I am so honored to have her as our birth mother I could cry OH and I have! She has a very good head on her shoulders and is very healthy. We have prayed and prayed...I have heard everything He has said to me and followed through with it. They say you should go with your gut feeling. All of the failed placements we have had...I have never had this feeling. It is an amazing feeling.

It is now my mission to help all my friends who are still waiting for their babies to come home. If you need suggestions on what to do please email me. I was touched by adoption 35yrs. and 11 months ago when I was born into a family that adopted a bi racial baby boy in 1969. I knew from the time I could think about being an adult that I wanted to adopt. I knew that I wanted to be that special family...because families who adopt are special. The most amazing thing is we are all adopted by the Lord. I wanted to share this with you so you can have the faith that it does and it will happen to those who TRUELY want it. Stick with it...it will happen...in his time! Hugs and Blessings

You can find us...

every summer and most nights at my parents house. We call it getzville country club...price of admission is...dinner or dessert and you have to be a family member. So tonight we went to mom and dad's house...well today was like a nature preserve. Only problem is their dog...Hannah...a Spring Spanial...found and killed 3 baby rabbits! We found 2 alive...oh my gosh...I almost cried...they couldn't have been older then 2 days. We did not know what to do...so dad had a robin's nest that he found and placed the bunnies in there for safe keeping...I took some pictures tonight to show you the nature preserve they have going on at the getzville country club!

Baby Bunnies in the Bird's nest...did i mention they have baby birds in another nest near their fireplace... Here are geese in their pond...there are a bunch of baby geese..they are so cute...so many babies...all around me!

Here is dad and Jeff in the pool together...they really enjoy their sports talk!

What a week!

I am so glad that this past week is behind us! Alot of emotions took place! I don't think I have ever been under this much stress in my life! We have a very good situation we are working on. We were found via the internet...how exciting to know that all those late nights paid off...at least this far. I have been ebaying a ton of stuff...I want to make money to buy things...but I don't want to touch our accounts or even think about CC's. If you are waiting to adopt...don't leave it up to others to help you. If you hear a voice in your ear telling you to place an ad...place that ad! If it is saying make up brochures and mail them to friends and family...do it! It is so time consuming but so worth it in the end.

I know nothing is guarenteed in life...but wouldn't it be nice?! We have so much stuff going on right now with summer and work and Jeff's cake business is booming! We are so busy preparing for what maybe...We are committed to the adoption! I know some people in other groups who waffle a little but...you know me...I could not let some one make the decision for me on who sees our profile...that is God's decision...I am glad I listened to those voices.

Just a side note...we were matched with 2 babies in May...2 can you stand it???? For various reasons...THOSE WERE NOT OUR BABIES!!!! Our baby is out there...on her or his way...getting ready to make thier apprearance...I know this...I feel it in my heart and in my stomach! This summer is going to go by so slow...I know this...keep praying...good things come to those who wait...and wait...and wait...

My Nephew Connor

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I had a lot of fun today. This is my nephew Connor. He is 3 and a half. We had alot of fun today, we went to the car wash, then he wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts, then we went back and played on just jungle gym. I see him, and spend time with him, and I know that I was meant to be a mom.

This is his brother Alex...he is holding plants that he is growing from school! He is 6 and my god son. He is so cute too

Prayers needed!

We have a situation! a REAL live situation! All I am asking for is prayers...that is all I want to post...but is a good situation and it is a very possible situation. Thank god for the internet! All of those whipsers I have heard in my ear...all those late nights posting birth mom letters on various sites...all those brochures I mailed out...all that hard work...may have paid off! We will see soon enough! Just keep praying! If you could...please ask everyone you know to pray for us...pray that this is OUR baby! We have been through so much. I only recently told people, but we suffered a 5th miscarriage...I know that our plan is God's plan...so I am ok with it...but I really want this to be our baby! Please Pray That is all I am saying! Stay tuned!

I have also created another blog for all my gardens. Many of you have asked to see my gardens, so your wish is my command! Go to www.colettesgarden.blogspot.com I am hoping it works. Hugs and Blessings!

Our Street

I love our street...not because I think it is one of the prettiest in our village, but because we have great neighbors who have become great friends...with the exception of our narcissistic neighbors next to us. Every year on Memorial day weekend we do a planting on our street. We have this great center medien. So here is a picture of our end. We do the planting and the maintaining of this. It is a great passion of ours...we love to garden!

Long Weekend...

I have been so strong for so long...So long...this weekend I was not strong. I thought we would have been parents by this weekend. Having 2 failed placements...it hurts...we have a big planting day on our street on the Saturday before Memorial Day...I am the president...so this year I thought we would have had a little on to walk up and down the street with...Kenmore has a big parade on Memorial Day...we normally have people over with all their kids...this year I wasn't in the mood for it. I can't say I am depressed just sad...sad that our baby is not home with us yet. Sad that God's plan is our plan but not our time line. On Sunday, Jeff and I slept in...we had friends over for dinner the night before and had some wine, sat outside, and talked for hours...it was nice...the weather was perfect...our yard looks like a mini park with all the flowers and plants that we have been coultivating for a year now. It is a beatuiful yard...I must say...we have done alot of work over the last 5 years. We love to entertain, Jeff loves to cook...I want our children to run in the yard...barefeet...chasing the dogs...playing with their friends. I know that this day will come...I know this...I am thankful for a great husband, a great family and great frineds... but it is not enough...I long to be a mommy...dirty little fingers and toes...dirty little face with ice cream all over it.

Today we are going to my parents...we spend most of the summer there...they have an in ground pool...we joke and call it the Getzville Country Club...today is opening day! We are spending time with family...My brother who is a vet from the Iraqi war will be there...Thank a Vet for your freedom and your safety to walk the streets of your town with out having the fear for dieing...thank a vet! Hugs and Blessings!

Do you see HIM?

“Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy.” I Peter 1:8 (NRSV)
Ok...so every morning and every night, I go into our baby's room and pray over the crib. I visualize our baby in there...I see him/her, I can smell him/her, I can even hear a faint cry. I see our baby everyday...in my mind and in my heart. I also see God everyday...I see him in Jeff's face, in the bunny that ran in front of my car today who looked at me like :oh S--T! If you look around you will see him...you just need to have your eyes and your heart open. Have a blessed day!

The Butterfly Effect

At church on sunday it was about the Butterfly Effect. How he related to our servie was basically...speak the word of the lord and good things will happen.

"God has crafted your wings to create a weather pattern of glory"

I know that I speak the word of the Lord often. I do this to help me get through my day and maybe it will help someone else. Since I have turned my life over to the Lord, my life has changed in so many ways. Our marriage is stronger, our baby is coming, our financial situation is great to the point we are able to afford our adoption with out any loans! I think that is what I am most excited about. Our relationship with our friends have become stronger also. I hope that I have helped some of you through your dark days, that is what I feel my calling is...to help others understand why this is happening to us. Our long wait for our babies to come home. You must TRUST HIM. I know I say that but please TRUST HIM. If you are TTC...TRUST HIM...there are reasons why it is taking long for you...TRUST HIM!

Today on my way to work I saw a neighbor frined of mine...Here is the story...Her older sister and Jeff went to high school together, this girl married a guy on our street. We became friends. They were married last June, started TTC and got pregnant right away. I saw her today...she looks great...she has 3 weeks to go and the baby will be here. I remember walking last summer and seeing her and talking to her about our hopes to adopt. That was right around the time they started TTC. It is funny how things happen. So here we are waiting the arrival of our baby and so is she. I think her baby will be here before ours...she is due June 12th. It was so great if our kids are around the same age. We have no small children on the street . They are all between the ages of 4 and 8...so for my kids that is too much of an age difference IMO. So when I was driving away...I felt a little sad...I will admit to it. I was a little sad. Sad that she is going to give birth to her baby. Something that I do long for...I will admit to that too. I long for the feeling of the baby again. I loved that feeling...it was amazing. I also long to hold OUR baby when he.she arrives via adoption. What a huge gift that will be. I have come to grips with the fact that my life is far more important then being selfish and getting pregnant because I want a Bio baby. A baby is a baby...it donesn't matter if it is of your blood or not. So that is where we stand...those are my feelings...love them or don't that is me. Hugs and Blessings

TGIF

Wow...it is finally Friday! I didn't think it was ever going to come! What a crazy and exciting week. We almost adopted a baby this week and got 2 great calls from our 800#! I guess when it rains it pours! I am so tired...after my Sunday...amazing Sunday at The Chapel, Monday siying good bye to a friend who is now in heaven, Tuesday...got a call about a baby...found out he was abandoned therefore CPS got him in stead...not sure what the Birth Mom was thinking when leaving the hospital without an adoption plan...but He was not our baby...same day got a call from a potential Birth Mom out of state who is due this fall...what a blessed day Tuesday was...God was really looking down on us...Wednesday...quite...Thursday...got a call about a baby due in August...we will see and finally FRIDAY...I was crazy busy at work...didn't even have a chance to catch my breathe today...very busy! No I am on the decline...what a week! Received a note today from Pastor Jerry...wow he is amazing! God really picked a great one to lead our congragation!
We are waiting to hear if a friend of our who lives near NYC is a mom yet. Her Birth Mother is in labor...we are all waiting for her daughter to arrive! We are praying for a safe and smooth arrival and a happy ending! Well here's to happy endings!

What is a strong woman?

I ask this of you. I belong to an adoption group that is full of women from all over the country, some are adopting domestically, some are international adoptions and some are foster families. I love this group. I posted what had happened on the message board and the responces back have blown me away. I guess I never really viewed myself as a strong woman. But I am being told other wise. I guess when I look back at this week, speaking in front of thousands at church, being the last woman to talk and being the only mother there with out children. Going through what we went through yesterday...being that close to a baby...wow...I guess I am a strong woman. But I would not be this strong with out my faith in the Lord. It is his love that he has for me and I for him that has made me this strong...and I will give credit to my mom! she has made me a strong woman too. I guess now when I look at it...we were hours away from bringing that little guy home...Why did she abandon him? She knew we wanted him...what would make someone do this? She knew he would go to a loving home...a couple who longs for a baby...WHY...Because it was not about US. It was about another family who has been waiting for a baby to have and to hold. I know that this little guy is going to a good home...the foster care system is not bad...there are families like you and I who want to adopt...How wonderful for that couple to get "the call" WOW!

We are watching the Sabres and Ottawa has just scored a goal...it is now 3-1 sabres...good lord...why must they score??? I am a hockey junkie...I love Detroit...so I am hoping that if the Sabres do win we play Detroit...that would be the best! Have a great day! Hugs and Blessings!

Another baby sighting...

That is what I like to call it when there is a "situation". We got a call today from a friend who has a friend, who knows of a girl who's friend just had a baby! Did you get that...ok...her was born yesterday, he is healthy and doing great. But the Birth Mother is not moving fast enough and it looks like he is going to go to CPS. It is a long story...but this baby was not meant for us. I did everything in my powers to get to her...I spoke to her twice and talked to her best friend and still nothing. I am not sure what she is waiting for...if anything...maybe she is just waiting for the county to move in. We are getting closer! That is for sure. Since my testimony at church, now the word is out there and there are thousands of people praying for us and thinking of us...our time is coming...I can feel it. I know I have said that before...but I am telling you...I feel it. It is a strange feeling...I feel God's presence...it is so strong and powerful...so I am getting stuff ready...washed the sheets and doing some much needed cleaning...keep checking back...

What's next...

I have been trying to find the link for my testimony at church but it hasn't hit the internet yet. I will when I can. We are watching the Sabres again...man they are terrible! Just Terrible! They are now down 3 games!!!! They stink!!!! Why we get our hopes up is beyond me. It is such a let down. Look out Buffalo golf courses...here come the Buffalo Sabres! Nanana nanana hey hey hey...good bye! Ick!!! Thanks for nothing! Here is another one...OOh ahh sabres on the golf course!!!! LOL!

What's next...

I have been trying to find the link for my testimony at church but it hasn't hit the internet yet. I will when I can. We are watching the Sabres again...man they are terrible! Just Terrible! They are now down 3 games!!!! They stink!!!! Why we get our hopes up is beyond me. It is such a let down. Look out Buffalo golf courses...here come the Buffalo Sabres! Nanana nanana hey hey hey...good bye! Ick!!! Thanks for nothing! Here is another one...OOh ahh sabres on the golf course!!!! LOL!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

What a wonderful day we had today! I spoke at church and it was amazing! I wasn't really nervous once I arrived to church...but last night...that is another story! My husband is amazing...he was so cute...while I was having a anxiety attack at 1 am he said "you are going to do great...I love you!" He is my rock! So it was a full house for both services...Jeff was at the first service and my mom, dad, gram and brother were at the second service. I am so glad they were there. After each service I felt like a movie star...everyone was coming up to me telling me that they are praying for us. One woman came up to me and told me about her 28 year old only child that had passed away 2 years ago. When Pastor Jerry introduced me he said I was a mom with out any children. He was talking about our angel babies in heaven and on here with us. Another woman came up to me and introduced me to her adopted daughter. I had to hug the poor girl...she must have thought I was crazy but she huged me back. It was blessing to feel this wonderful child's arms around me. After the second service a woman named Linda came running up to me and told me that God spoke to her to come and meet me and pray for me. She said that every woman she prays for gets their baby, be it a bio baby or adopted. It was a bit surreal...I wasn't sure how to take it...I was a bit freaked out...but we prayed together for about 20 minutes. I felt the LORD coming right through her to me. It was very powerful...I think she thought I thought she was crazy...i was just so touched that someone would want to pray for me in that way.

I am not sure why God wanted me to speak today to give my testimony...I know I touched many people...I could see them whipping the tears away. It really touched me. I know that God works in mysterious ways...I met an amazing women during this process. Her name is Andrea. Well come to find out my father and her husband worked together, when my father worked. My father always spoke very highly of him and I know that God was bringing them back together!

I want all my friends to know...even if we do not have children here on earth with us...we are still mom's. Because we WILL be mom's soon. Never give up the faith. We have been through so much pain during our marriage when it comes to children and we have never, I mean NEVEr given up the faith of the lord. It is so important to have faith. Just think of George Michale...LOL only kidding. Tonight when you go to bed, say a prayer for your baby...let your baby know you are waiting and know that it is in HIS time and you are here for them when the time is right. Happy Mother's Day...God Bless! Hugs

Helping Hands

Today was Stamp Out Hunger at the Post Office. This is the day that people leave can goods out and the Letter Carriers collect the food and bring it to food panties in their area. So Jeff asked if we could help him this year. So I enlisted My best friend Amy and her kids...Only 2 of her 4 came with us. Peter and Caralynn were wonderful! We had a great system going...It is so fun to see the kids grow right before your eyes. It seems like yesterday that they were just babies...now they are growing up right before me. If we don't adopt a baby soon, Caralynn will be able to babysit...does that make sence? She is 8 going on 9 so she is a little too young. So here are some pictures from our wonderful day! Afterwords we went to Patrick and William's soccer games. William I think will be the pro soccer player...he is a amazing! He scored I think 9 goals. He is 5! Patrick is 7 and he played goalie and made some amazing stops! WOW...it was a great day! I am thankful for this wonderful day that the Lord gave me. I am truly blessed to have these children and their parents as frineds. On a side note...Amy's Uncle Dave died last Sunday. He was a great guy! Always had a smile on his face. Him and his Wife had quite a marriage and when you looked at them together the love just shined! They were married for 48 years. They have 2 children and 6 or 7 grand children. He will be missed. Love you Uncle Dave!

Oh PS...did I tell you I am sick AGAIN????? What is going on here??? I think it is stress! I have never been this sick. I have a bad cold...and I have to speak tomorrow at church! UGH!!!

BUSY WEEK...

IT HAS BEEN A VERY BUSY WEEK FOR US HERE. I HAVE BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG, JEFF HAS BEEN HOME SICK WITH A NASTY COLD AND I AM GETTING READY FOR MY BIG DAY AT CHURCH. WE HAD A MEETING AT CHURCH AND I MET THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON. GOD WORKS IN SUCH MYSTERIOUS WAYS. WE INSTANTLY CONNECTED. I FELT SO BLESSED TO BE IN A ROOM FULL OF 5 BEAUTIFUL MOTHERS OF ALL AGES AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS ALIKE IN THEIR JOURNEY OF MOTHERHOOD. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR SERVICE ON SUNDAY. I MUST ADMIT...I HAVE NOT PREPARED WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY...I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MANY THINGS BUT STILL NOT SURE. OUR JOURNEY HAS BEEN LONG, STRESSFUL AND SOMETIMES VERY DISAPPOINTING. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED A THING! JEFF AND I ARE CLOSER THEN EVER AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IF IT WERE NOT FOR OUR JOURNEY TO OUR BABY.

I just told my mother today that we suffered our 5th miscarriage. I didn't really want to tell her...I really didn't want to tell anyone, but it is our story. I guess, since it is our 5th, i have become numb to it. But after last night at church when our Pastor was talking about our babies...it became very real to me that I have been a mom for along time...only my babies are in heaven with God. WOW...that is very powerful to say! I know that our babies are all up there together...picking out the perfect baby for us to adopt. I often wonder what my life would have been like if any of those babies would have survived. I am not saying WHY ME or WHY US...I am just thinking our oldest would have been 4 already...almost ready for kindergarden...I will say I do look at kids that are between the ages of 1 and 4 and think...our baby's would have been that age now. I know that this is the path that was chosen for us...I know this...I am OK with this! I am so blessed to have lived this life I have lived. I have experienced things that most women will never experience. I do wish this journey of adoption wasn't so emotional. But if it were easy...EVERYONE would be doing it!

We are sitting in our family room tonight with the windows open and a nice cool breeze, watching the Buffalo Sabres...the only thing missing...is a baby on my chest, smelling like a baby and sleeping on me...with his/her butt up in the air...I long for that moment when it is just Jeff,me, baby and the dogs...then my life will be complete! There is a plan...I am ok with this...I am in this for the long haul...even if it takes 3 years...I will not give up my search for our baby. i will not give up my calling of helping others with their journey and stuggle through this wonderful adoption process. It will happen. Everyone who wants to adopt...DOES adopt! I know this! Hugs and Blessings!

Their at the post...

And their off...we opened up our yard on Monday...we took down the fence so the dogs can offically run! It is always fun the first time Libby is able to run the yard. She is like a kid in a candy store! She ges crazy...then eugene goes crazy! So I have posted the aftermath of the run! As you can see by their mouths they are pooped!

Trust in him...

The blogging community is so big and I have met so many people here. Whether they are trying to adopt or TTC with IF. I thought of this verse from the bible...I hope this helps with those who are struggling with the "why" factor...

"TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING" Proverbs 3:5

So many times thing may happen to us, whether it be an adoption miscarriage or a bio-miscarriage, IF, PCOS and so on. We can spend all day sitting there asking ourselves..."Why me" You need to TRUST IN HIM with ALL your heart! It took me a long time...I was thinking yesterday while Jeff and I were out and about...Here is our time line...

3/03 - IUI and got pregnant then m/c 8 weeks later

5/03 - IUI and became pregnant with twins! M/C baby one within 8 weeks

8/23/03 - Our baby was a still born at 16-17 weeks gestation.

8/23/03 - 12/13/03 - Stayed in bed or at home for over 4 months...depression set in and I thought my life was over...on 12/13 I cried from the moment I woke up until the moment Jeff came home from work. "That is when he said...will our life ever be the same or are you going to cry everyday for the rest of your life?" At that moment it hit me...I was wasting my life with the "why me" "why us" From 12/14/03 until 2/06 -- over 2 years...I struggled with IF and TTC and constantly thinking and trying to be in control of it. 2/06 I said to Jeff..."we are not getting any younger and all we want is to be parents...so let's adopt! " That was it...and here we are 5/07...on our journey of adoption. But back in 11/05 we were at our first bible study group... and one of the girls there was talking about me turning control over to the lord...MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME! Jeff came on board with the adoption journey...everything started to fall into place...our money situation, my new job...everything...So I am here to tell you...TRUST IN HIM! Please...Trust in him...he always does the right thing. It may not seem that way right now...but trust in him. I love you, god loves you...most importantly...love yourself!

A couple of things...

Ok...I love when my hubby has off a day during the week! no OT but it is nice to have him home! I usually take the day off when he is home during the week...we can go do stuff that needs to be done together! I love being with him and he loves being with me.

Thanks of all the wonderful comments about Church! I am excited...I forgot to write what Jeff said...he goes " I am not doing this for father's day!" I laughed so hard! He is so not a public speaker...I live for public speaking!

I am going to work on Jeff's web site today...so I will post it when it is done.

Wew have to go re new or finger prints today...it guess it takes 6-8 weeks and ours expire on May 27th. It is a good thing I contacted the agency! So we are doing that today too! Wow, it seems like yesterday we did them!

We got a call from a friend who got a call from someone who has a baby to place...my firend adopted he little boy last month, so she is not ready for a 3rd. So she called me to see what I thought...I said...yeah!! So who knows...we wait to see if they call! It is all in God's hands! No worrying here. I love that I have turned it over...my life is so stress free! Have a great day! Hugs to all! Love you all!

We did out finger prints today...went to mom's, Home Depot and then...the rummble of the tummy...Jeff wanted to go to lunch...so we did...Friday's...the the rummble again...I thought it was just hunger...but...much to my suprise...it is the flu!!!!!! So we came home...I slept for 3 hours, then got up and thought...oh this isn't good... So... I am up today...but not feel very well! We had a dinner planed with a few other couples tonight from church and I am totally bummed...So That is the update...UGH!

I feel so blessed!

I recevied a call yesterday from our church...our Pastor wants me to say something at our Mother's Day service. Me...Colette...Me! I feel so blessed that he asked me! I will be up on stage the whole service...how much weight can i lose in 10 days????? LOL I am thinking if I don't eat starting tomorrow...have to have one more day before the big diet...I could lose...maybe 5 lbs.? do you think anyone would notice??? LOL I will be up there with 5 other women. We will be talking about how the lord has helped us be mothers...but I don't have any children I said and his assitant said..."yes we know...we would like you to speak about how the lord has helped you during your journey of adoption" Well...that I can do! If you know me...you know I instanly thought...THIS IS A SIGN! But what kind of sign is it? I was thinking last night...Maybe the lord, knows that someone will be there who might be thinking about terminating a pregnancy or know of someone who is, or maybe there is a couple in the audience who has been struggling through there adoption process or IF and maybe I will help them find their way...or MAYBE...there is someone out there who knows of someone who is pregnant looking to place their baby up for adoption and there we are! What ever the sign is...I will embrace this with all my body and follow his lead. I feel so blessed that I was chosen to do this. Please say a prayer for me that I am able to get through this! Hugs

Oh my aching back!

Hi all...what a weekend it has been! Our compter is down, therefore I can'get acess to the web with my lap top, so I have to use my neighbors wireless! Yikes! So, I woke up yesterday to...alot of pain! My ribs (3 to be exact...popped out of place! OUCH!!!!!!) Holy cow does that hurt! I was in a terrible car accident about 6 years ago, and my life and back have never been the same. Yes a woman ran a red light and I hit her...she claimed the light was green in court (liar) but witnesses said it was red! So...anyway...every now and then, my rib pops out of place. I could be bending over todo something and it is either my rib or my lower back that goes...lovely! It is a constant reminder of how my life changed ony being married for 96 days and POW! It totally sucks! I work full time, I take care of my home and hopefully soon take care of my baby...but with constant back pain. If you have constant back pain you know what I mean. I am limited in my ativities. I am told that if I lose weight it will help. Well since the accident I have packed on the lbs. because I am limited in what exercises I can do...it SUCKS! So I feel so crapy...I didn't go to church today...yes you read that right...I didn't go! I am goin to watch it on the computer later today. I just couldn't bear to put on my bra, and I wasn't going to ask Jeff to do it. I guess I feel bad enough that this changed our life, I don't want him to know I can put my bra on! And those who know me...KNOW I CAN"T GO BRALESS!!!!! I went to the Chiropractor yesterday and POOF! he poped them back in! He said "wow...3 this time!" It had been over 40 days since my last visit... now we know...I can't go 40 days! But the tissue around the ribs is still very very sore. So I take my motrin and massive pain killers last night and today, but tomorrow is a new day...a new work week...must feel better by then, that is why I am taking it slow today...so I can heal! it just hurts to breathe! OK ENOUGH!!!! I am done complaining!!!

So I have been thinking...

(as my brother would say...Did it hurt?) So we have been waiting for just about 9 months...a full term pregnancy. I always said that I would get crazy until we hit that 9 month mark...well it is approaching fast...I am starting to get crazy! Not with When or Why...just how much longer will it be. We have made another contact regarding adoption, so our name went there too! We will see what happens and what will transpire. In this world of Adoption and living in New York State...all you can do is network, advertise or go with an agency...so I have been networking my brains out. We have another mailing going out to our frineds...that should take place in early May...Just a reminder...we are STILL looking to adopt. I know that this process has not only brought Jeff and I closer to the lord, but it has brought us closer to...if that is possible. I can honestly say...I would have wanted it any other way...I love and adore my husband and he loves and adores me. I thank the Lord for giving and helping us have a strong marriage. My parents have been married for almost 41 years. Jeff's parents were married for 29 years. So we have long marries working with us. All of our friends have strong marriages...we have a wonderful support group. I thank the lord for that everyday. So, on this rainy friday afternoon...I sit and look out my office window and think...

The Perks of my job!

GO TEMPO!!!! GO SABRES!!!! 5-2 WIN!!!! YEAH!!!

There are some reasons why I love my job...I love to help people obtain a mortgage on their dream home, I love my co workers...ok here is the best part...I love the PERKS! We went to the NCAA games and last night we went to the Sabres Game...for free! It was great! We hadn't been to a hockey game sine we were engaged! It was so cool! We were 12 rows from the ice...I must say it was COLD! We saw 3 out of the 5 goals scored right in front of us! Jeff was like a little kid gong to a hockey game for the first time! We took the subway down town. If you have never done that...you should. It is clean and not bad at all! So here are some pictures for the game. Tempo is my favoriate player...I like the old and mature...he is 38! God love him! So here you go!

Happy Birthday Daddy-O!

This is Daddy and I at my wedding! This is mommy and daddy...43+ years together!

Happy Birthday daddy! Jeff calls him Daddy-O...it cracks me up every time! We are having them over for dinner tonight...Dad and I are so much alike it is scary! I love him with all my heart and he has been a fabulous father! Love you Daddy! Can't wait till you are a Grandpa or Papa! I am looking so forward to that day! I am trying!

Spring!~

I love this time of the year! I actually love all the seasons we have in Buffalo...we truly have all 4 seasons and they are all wonderful! What I love about the Spring is to see all of the plants and bulbs that we have planted and cutivated in the years past. My daffidils, my Iris's, my hydranga's start to get little buds on them and all the other wonderful plants that survived the winter! I love to wash the window of my house...it is like a cleansing of the soul...you remove all the dirt from your windows and it is like a fresh start! Mowing the lawn for the first time...seeing all of the neighbors that have been in their houses all winter long...some you love to see and others you could care less...so enjoy the weather...it is going to be wonderful!

Ok...I have seen the light!

Ok...yes it is sad what has happened to us with the failed placement...but we are not even at the 9 month waiting mark! So I need to stop this and think positive and I know our baby will find us...so I have just had a eye opening moment! What a difference an hour can make! Praise God!
So that being said:

Philippians 4:6-7
"DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUEST TO GOD. AND THE PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, WILL GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND YOUR MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS"

A New Day

Ok...So I am going to try not to be so gloom and doom today! It is another day with out sun here in Buffalo...but this weekend looks like it is going to be a winner and boy does my garden need attention! If you don't know me well...you don't know that gardening is a major passion of mine and Jeff's. We love to garden...we love to clean out the garden after the winter...get ride of the dead stuff and watch the garden bloom! Everday when Jeff and I come home from work, after we have fed the dogs their dinner we go out side and walk our "Estate" LOL...I planted a ton of bulbs on the side lot so I am looking forward to seeing then bloom! I hope the rabbitts didn't get to them! So our Potential Birth Mother is due mid May so that is about 4 weeks away...we are not getting excited about it, only because we don't want to get hurt...we are planning this for the month, but using caustion...because we may have a baby. I will not name the baby...even though I knw the gender...the name we have picked is so unique that it would be hard to find another one like it. So everyday...I take a deep breath and breathe...If she chooses to parent that is fine...then it wasn't meant to be. The baby's room is almost done. We have pretty much everything we need...even before we were potentially matched with this birth mom. We are still advertising and our profile is still being shown. it would be nice to have a May baby...I won't lie...I do catch myself day dreaming about the little one...but I know better. I have seen so many people get their hearts broken after a failed placement...I will stay strong...we have a lot of prayers around us and for us. We feel the presence of the Lord and he is going to place our baby with us when he feels it is time. So, have a great day today...think a happy thought if you are down...and say a prayer for the student's and teachers of VTEC. Hug and Blessings!

EDITING this post...Our attorney called and broke the news...The Birth Mother still wants to adopt the baby out but to a FAMILY MEMBER! Yeah that makes alot of sense! UGH!!! So we are back on the block...the adoption block...any takers??????? I hope to have a better week next week. I think I am more weepy because of my friend who passed...not sure...but I am at work so I need to be strong and put on a pretty face. So now we are at 5 m/c's and 2 failed placements! When will this test be over??????

Life is too short...

I have come to grips with the fact that life IS too short! This is my friends husband who passed away on Sunday night. He was ONLY 46! This was him and I at our annual holiday party...it was late(I had a little too much to drink...note the deer in the head light eyes and my head is pushed forward) We had such a great time that night. That was the first and only time we met...my friend is a girlfriend from Garden Club. We only meet the husbands at certain fuctions...but Rox and hit it off from day one! We clicked! She came to our party with her husband and we clicked too! He fit right in to our crazy party and was like an old frined from another life time...Rox and her husband and Jeff and I collect antiques...so instantly we hit it off! I see Rox at all the Garden club fuctions and look forward to catching up on the family news and of course we would always talk about our beloved husbands!

Today I went to Eric's wake... something I should not have been doing since he is way too young to have passed away. It was very sad...she looked so sad...her beloved has passed away...we hugged for what seemed like a lifetime...she told me how he had so much fun at our party and meeting my parents and spending time with our friends. He made quite an impression...I had many friends call me and ask who it was that passed and they all remembered him...that is the kind of guy...one you could never forget...he was that great of a guy. So before you go to bed tonight...thank god for what you have and who you have in your life...I thank god every night for blessing me with such a wonderful husband and family...

THIS I KNOW...GOD NEEDED HELP IN HEAVEN...HE IS WORKING ON A NEW TOWN AND NEED SOMEONE TO BE IN CHARGE...HE NEEDED ERIC...I ALSO KNOW HE WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF OUR LIFE HERE ON EARTH AND WILL ALWAYS BE WITH HIS FAMILY!

This I know...

That we are only here on earth for a short time. When saying that I mean...80-90 years then we go to heaven and live there for eternity. But when someone young dies and leaves a family behind...I never can understand that. Today I got a call from a friend of mine to tell me that another friend of mine husband died last night. I am still in shock...you know when you meet someone and you just know that they are true and genuine...that was him...the nicest, and sweetest guy you would ever want to know. I am going to post a picture of him and I at one of our parties. You look at that picture and all you see is the glow in his eyes. I know that there was and is a plan for him...God must have needed to have a special angel right now, and He choose him. So if you would please say a prayer for my friend and her family...they are going to be going through something you should have to go through until you are old and gray. They have 2 small children...please say a prayer for them, and for their daddy and husband to watch over them and take care of them. I should stop now , since I can no longer see my screen or keyboard. Thanks

God was working hard this weekend!

Well I am happy to say...I have 3 friends who I can now call MOMMY!!!! One lives in California and the other 2 are local! One was from our agency and the other is a private adoption! Praise the lord! It is such a blessing to hear of families being made through adoption. When you get an email..."I am going to be a mom" You take a deep breath and read! Everyone who goes through adoption knows what I am talking about. It is like when you are trying to get pregnant and someone in your circle of friends gets pregnant...but the feeling for me is not that bad anymore. I do get a little jealous...I will admit and as a good Christian I shouldn't but I do. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks...I get so excited for the new mom! The friend through the agency and her hubby have waited a long time...almost 2 years...all of the times she has gone through hearing of her friends adopting their babies...now it was her time to post...how exciting! Please note that I am not depressed that my friends have adopted this weekend...I know that none of those babies were our baby. That is why the jealousy only last 10 seconds with my friend for the agency. That was never our baby! Our baby is coming...

The Power of Prayer!

I have been asking god for an answer for a long time now. It has to do with Jeff's family. We currently are not speaking to his father and his new wife...because of the new wife and her actions towards me and Jeff...her vial words towards us to others and so on. So we have not talked to Jeff's aunt aka godmother or her daughter aka Jeff's cousin Robin in years...I mean years because we meaning everyone thought everyone was mad at everyone...because of the new wife. So I have been praying for months on this. I think it is a shame that Jeff and his sister don't talk to their only cousin. She has 3 beautiful boy and 2 of them are the same age as Jeff's sister's children. SO today my prayer was answered...but not the way you really would want it answered.
Robin's FIL passed away. Here is the strange thing. Robin's husband Dave and I use to play together when we were babies. His mother use to baby sit us when my mother would work from the time we were 2 until 6. Long story short...Robin, Dave and I went to high school together...I didn't know Robin but I of course knew Dave. When Jeff and I met ( through a personal ad) we were talking about high school and he asked me if I knew his cousin and her boyfriend at the time and that is how I knew that Jeff wasn't a killer and went on a date! LOL
Well...i am sad to say that Dave's dad passed away...I was looking in the paper and saw his name. Well I called Jeff and asked him if it would be ok if I called his Aunt to find out what happened. He said fine...So I did and we talked for about an hour! We are planning on getting everyone together soon...Including Jeff's mom! I am so thrill and saddened at the same time! I feel terrible that we had to re connect at such a sad time.
Jeff and I are going to the Wake tomorrow afternoon. This will be the first time we have seen his cousin in almost 4 years! Way too long! So never underestimate the power of prayer! After speaking with Jeff's mother...who i love and adore...she is all for us getting togther! So I am hoping we will be able to all see eash other...kids and all real soon. I thank god for giving me the strength to make the call after all these years. Maybe they will be at the dedication of the baby! Wouldn't that be just wonderful.

Have a blessed day!

Our life while waiting...

I was talking to someone yesterday and they had asked how long we have been waiting and I told them 8 months...8 months....i think the first 3 months were the hardest...we were under the impression that we would have a baby home fast...our mistake...so after the 3rd month goes by you are into the 4th month, then the 5th, 6th,7th, and now the 8th! Remember when you were younger...late teens and your mother told you not to grow up to fast that the years will pass by and before you know it, it would 10 years later? Well...we all know...mother's are right! So I have to say that this waiting time really has flown by! Then I began to think of all the things we have done Since we met with our agency for the first time to sign up...that date was April 4, 2006....here's the list...or what I can remember!

We went to Las Veges, Niagara on the Lake, day trips to Lewiston, remodeled our bath rooms, had a big Christmas party, we both are a year older, married for another year, I started a new job, our dogs are a year older, Nana and papa, and gram terry are a year older (shhhh) My friend got pregnant and had a healthy little boy named Nico...did alot of gardening (can't wait to start again this year) worked on the baby's room...have made some amazing friends through the adoption process...started a blog...met some amazing friends through my blog...we got a new HD LCD FLAT screen TV (that is for hubby) and most importantly...FOUND THE LORD for the second time! I am sure we have done more, but I can't remember now...it is amazing how time files whether you are having fun or not. I have enjoyed this waiting process...i think it makes you stronger...i know it has made me stronger and has tested me more then I know. I never knew I had patience! Yeah i do!

We never like to look too far ahead..but my mom and I were talking abut when the baby is dedicated at church...we laughed and said we will have more people at the dedication party then at our wedding! LOL we had 88 people at our wedding and we talk to...hummmmm may 50 of them...that is said...what a waste of money! It is going to be one heck of a party! My parents will be grandparents for the first time and well...Jeff's mom will be grandma for the 3rd time.

Man will this baby be spoiled! Aunt Amy is totally looking forward to the baby coming home. I can't wait to hear the baby call her Aunt Amy! It brings tears to my eyes right now thinking of it! Ok...I just looked at the clock and I have to get ready to go to work! Jeff doesn't have over time today!!!! YEAH!!!! Had OT 29 hours in the past 2 weeks with only 1 day off! So I want to make sure he is pampered tonight...his poor feet are killing him! Hugs to all!

I think I messed up!

Ok, So I think I messed up! I wanted to change my template and now I can't find my old one to go back to! BOO HOO! So here is this pretty blog that i can't customize! UGH! LOL
I fixed it! Yeah!!!! I am too good! Hugs

You've got to change your evil ways...

I was driving out to Holland NY today for business and the Santana song came on...You've got to change your evil ways baby...lallalla...So I began to think about my neighbors and then thought of this verse Proverbs 21:10, “The wicked man craves evil; his neighbor gets no mercy from him.” This is so true...our neighbors right next door are EVIL! And I don' think we will ever have mercy from them! I use to get all upset when I would see them....dwell on them...be evil like them toward them...evil looks...maybe saying something under my breathe so maybe they would hear me. Here is just a little history...everything was fine with our neighbor until he met his wife. She moved from her husband's house into his house with her 2 little boys...still married to husband...but living with the boyfriend...truck the little ones back and forth. I think I hurt mostly for them the boys...2 and 4..I can only imagine what was going through there little minds. The neighbor/boyfriend...moved his boys out of their room for her boys...very sad...so soon after he started to become evil...I guess when you live with the devil that is what happens. Long story short...last year Jeff and I were out back having a glass of wine on our patio...not sure how they knew that we were adopting...but she made a comment getting into the car with her 2 boys and now her 2nd husband...it goes as follows...I am not making this up..."all i know i could never love/raise someone elses baby!" I was in shock...she said it loud enough for us to hear...Jeff and I looked at each other like deer in the head lites...I got up and went into the house and cried like a baby...If she only knew how hard we have been trying for a family...I cried and cried...I called my mom...walked down the street to a friends house and cried there too. They both said to me..."SHE IS EVIL what do you expect from her" I guess that was the first time my feeling were hurt about adoption...well...that is not true...having an adopted bi-racial brother was not easy in the 1970 or 1980's...our feelings were hurt many times...but she was talking about MY baby...the one we long for...MY BABY! So now that I am closer to the lord and I have him in my life, closer then ever before...I pray for her...she needs someone to pray for her...so if you would like to add someone to your list...please pray for my neighbor...so she changes her evil ways. Hugs and blessings.